That would be enough….
Beloved community, in preparing to write this devotional, I admit that I was at a loss for where to focus the message. To be quite frank, I was feeling enormously overwhelmed by a many number of things. The never-ending to-do list in my brain has been especially eager to invade my every thought, mixed with the numerous, unremitting anxieties of 2020. Intrusive thoughts have been a commonality for me throughout my life and will continue to be part of my inveterate struggle with depression. However, lately I haven’t quite been able to shake the feeling that the entirety of 2020 has proved to be one long, unending intrusive thought. Despite such, I sought to utilize my exegetical skills like a good seminarian, comb through commentaries on my bookshelves, and find the perfect message of hope around which to focus my devotional. Like clockwork, I pulled up the Revised Common Lectionary and I began to read the words of Scripture, waiting for the right message to present itself to me. I read a few pages… I’m so tired… I shook my head and read another page… I’m so scared… I took a sip of water and continued reading… I’m so sad…
I couldn’t focus, not on Moses’ intercession, nor Paul’s Epistle to the Thessalonians. The words scrambled in the well-seasoned cast iron of my brain, tossed with a smidgen here and there of worry, heating perfectly into a recipe for panic. The aroma of self-doubt permeated my senses, and I began to do my usual depressive spiral of chaotic twirls around the well-oiled machine of insecurity. My body turned inside out while remaining perfectly still, and in that moment, Scripture came to me in the form of Hamilton lyrics. The consolatory voice of Phillipa Soo filled my aching soul:
Look at where you are
Look at where you started
The fact that you’re alive is a miracle
Just stay alive, that would be enough
Tears flooded my eyes and fell with unrelenting ferocity onto the pages of Scripture open in my lap. And the Divine stretched her hand toward my crumpled face, lifted my chin and said, “Here, beloved, this is your Scripture. Let these words be enough.” Friends Church, may these words be enough for you too.
Amen.